20 weeks, 1 day
Posted by will | Filed under Elizabeth, Thoughts
Within 15 minutes of the previous post here my life changed forever. On that Tuesday morning we had seen our little baby moving and kicking inside my wife and found out that our first child was going to be a girl. We were thrilled, Kelly was especially excited, she had been hoping for a girl since we first found out that we were pregnant. That Tuesday was Kelly’s birthday and I can’t think of a better present in the world than to find out that you were having a girl and see her moving. After the ultrasound was done we were sent back out into the waiting room to have our appointment with our doctor as planned.
While waiting on the doctor, we started Twittering and texting the great news that we had just received to our family and friends. As time went on, the waiting room began to empty and our conversation turned to names for our daughter. As usual, any name that I suggested, Kelly hated and vice versa. This went on until we were the last people in the waiting room and the doctor called us back where we heard the heart beat again. We then proceeded to go to his office where we sat down and told us that there was a problem.
He told us that our baby girl had Anencephaly. I honestly am not completely sure of what happened after that, except that I felt like I was going to throw up and pass out. I got up and stumbled out into the hall where I collapsed. Anencephaly is a neuro tube defect where the spine, brain and cranium don’t develop correctly leaving the back of the brain exposed. As long as a baby with this condition is inside the mother it will survive, but life outside of the mother is not possible. Our precious baby that we had been expecting for the past 20 weeks would not survive no matter what we did.
Our doctor informed us that there were two options for us to choose from. We could either carry her for the full term and deliver her, but she would either be stillborn or die shortly after birth or we could induce labor now with the same result. Our doctor said that he would like for us to get a second opinion from someone with a 3D ultrasound machine- either another office in Anderson or go to a specialist in Greenville. The Anderson one is only open on Mondays and Thursdays and this was not something that we wanted to sit and wonder about for the next two days so we had them schedule us an appointment in Greenville. We left the Anderson doctor’s office and drove straight to Greenville. After what seemed like an eternity of waiting and finally having another ultrasound done, the doctor concurred with the diagnosis of Anencephaly.
Doing video for a church I have sat across the table or on the other side of the camera from a lot of people that have had something really tragic happen in their life. For the first time in my life I was the one sitting there hearing the uncomprehensible news, that we would never take our precious daughter home from the hospital. The fact that she would probably never take a breath. As I sit here two days later and type this I still can’t comprehend it. I can’t understand it. I can’t even fathom what the next week is going to be like for us.
In the midst of all of this we have felt God’s comfort like you cannot imagine. We have felt the presence of God in the form of The Spirit and in the physical presence of our closest friends and family. We are so thankful to all of our family and friends for their prayers. Knowing that there is a sovereign God who is in control of everything is the only thing that keeps us going. I cannot imagine how somebody who is not a believer could deal with something like this. I know that there is a reason for this, but I don’t know what that reason is. I know that there will be good to come out of this somehow, but from where I stand right now, in the middle of it, I have no idea what that good is or how it will happen. I have the faith that God will somehow bring glory to Himself out of all of this, I have seen Him do it so many times before and I know He will do it again.
To everyone who has been praying for us- thank you so much and please continue to pray for us. This next week will be some of the hardest days that we have ever faced. I will try to keep all of you updated through this blog.
We’re having a girl!
Posted by will | Filed under Elizabeth, Nice
I love Jesus, I love my